So, um, what happened?

Blah!

My 25x25 page has nearly been wiped out. I have no idea when or how that happened! I, thankfully, printed out a hard copy, but I have to find it. Then I'll fix the page. Maybe I'll change some of the goals. :)

My mom and I went to dinner and explored downtown Garland, Texas tonight. It's a quaint area, that the city is working on building up. I'm trying to get more involved with my city, so I like to know what's going on. There's an adorable new vintage clothing store that just opened.

Also, the Plaza Theater shows old movies for free with refreshments for sale that benefit the Garland Samaritans. We decided to see tonight's movie, which was "American Graffiti." I had never seen it before.

Tomorrow, Saturday, October 6, is the Fall for Garland Festival. My mom and I are going. It should be good, wholesome family fun. Some friends are joining, too.

Then, tomorrow evening, I'll be attending a wedding at a club in Deep Ellum. It'll be fun.

Expect lots of pictures!

Making my dreams become realities.

I haven't written in a while. I am not sure why. I think it is a combination of being busy and not knowing how to put into words another blog entry. I have a couple of drafts semi-written, but, obviously, they were not published.

This past weekend my mom and I got booth space at a local (and HUGE - 3500+ vendors) flea market. We wanted to sell off some of the excess jewelry inventory. We didn't make a lot of money, but we left with more money than we started with, so, in my opinion, definitely not a bad weekend. :)

I'm about to order some handbags from a wholesaler I like. I do hope I receive the order by this weekend so that I may sell them.

My plan is to sell at this flea market on the weekends, build up capital, and build up inventory.

I think this is the way to make my dreams become realities. :)

...

Yay! I placed my order! Check out some of the adorable stuff I'll be selling:

Evening Rose Clutch - $15

Evening Rose Clutch - alternate colors - $15

Fashion Coin Purse - $5

Fashion Coin Purse - alternate colors - $5

Peacock Print Flat Wallet - $15

Coin Purse - $3

Coin Purse - alternate colors - $3

Snake Print Coin Purse - $5

Snake Print Coin Purse - alternate colors - $5

Ghosts make me dizzy.

I'm in the middle of an impromptu marathon of "Long Island Medium" via On Demand.

I firmly believe that Theresa Caputo is truly gifted.

Amazing...the episode that I'm watching now has an animal spirit. As I've been watching these episodes, I've been thinking about spirits. I miss my dog terribly. Her name is Teddy, and she died last November. She was almost ten years old, and she had been a member of the family since I was 14.

There are times when I feel like she is around. I definitely hope she is.

When I was younger, I thought I was psychic. It was never much, but things would happen. Someone would call, and I'd know who it was before I ever checked the caller ID.

Like I said, my psychic-ness was never much.

Months ago, at the gym I used to work at, the thought of a dislocated shoulder kept plaguing me one evening. Nearing the end of the evening, a man dislocated his shoulder playing basketball.

The end of last week/early this week I kept thinking I'd be involved with contacting 911 for someone at the movie theater I frequent. Last Tuesday, I was! I had been thinking it for days, and it happened.

I definitely don't think I made it happen by thinking about it. I don't know if it's coincidence or if it was psychic-ness, but things like this have happened a few times.

I have friends that have had experiences with spirits. I've never had true experiences.

Years ago, my (now ex) boyfriend was in charge of the cleaning crew at the local municipal buildings. I heard all kinds of stories about the buildings in downtown Garland. The library is especially haunted. The spirit activity occurs in the evening. I think they may feed off the people during the day. Anyway, on the last day that his company had the contracts for the buildings, I was sitting outside the library with him and his crew. They were sharing stories about the ghosts. My ex had goosebumps telling me about trash cans flying across the room, windows shaking, the cowboy, the little girl. I said I wanted to go in. He didn't. He was scared. He is not the type to scare.

But he was scared.

He came inside the building with me and his two person crew. We walked around, and at one point we were in the inner offices. This is where he's been threatened by spirits, had trashcans fly at his head.

I sat in a chair, and after a few moments, I got extremely dizzy. I felt weird. I felt as if the chair was spinning. I had to make sure I was not moving. It was bad.

Outside the library, we were discussing the spirits. Of course, I didn't see or feel any of them. Not that I knew of, anyway. I mentioned the dizziness, and ALL three people said that was the first thing the spirits did to them - the dizziness.

I have moments where I think, where I feel things.

Years ago, I worked for a camp. My first night there, we stayed at a sister camp. I bunked in quarters that were meant for administration on my first night because I got in at midnight. I was exhausted, but I could not sleep for quite a while.The room made me think of a mental hospital. The place was unsettling. Well, it turns out the building I was staying in that night was an old Tuberculosis hospital!

The next morning I found out the camp grounds are haunted.

I didn't stay there but a few nights throughout the summer. Each night was creepy. I always felt like I was being watched.

I often wish that I was more in touch with the spiritual realm, or whatever you want to call it. But I'm also scared. I'm scared that if I get more in touch with the paranormal, I'll be inviting unwelcome-ness into my life.

I hope this makes sense. I'm extremely tired.

I do wish I could communicate with my dog's spirit. I'd love to know if Teddy were still around.

So, do you have any ghost stories?

The plight of the well-endowed woman.

While I'm not a tiny woman, I'm certainly not huge. I haven't tipped the scales at 200 (yet). But I'm close. In fact, I've weighed over 190 lbs.

I wear a size 18/XL-2XL depending on the outfit, and my weight is currently in the 180s.

In fact, over the last two months of not working, I've gained some weight. :( However, I'm determined to get my weight back under control. I've been watching my calories (again) (sometimes) (maybe) and drinking more water. (I live in Texas, and my A/C broke a few weeks ago - WATER IS NECESSARY.) I think since I've started drinking more water, I've lost some water weight, so that's a good thing. Plus, I've been better hydrated.

A couple nights ago I went to the gym for the first time in a couple months. I just wanted to play in the pool. So, I did. I need to start doing laps in the pool, cardio and weights again, but at that time I just wanted to play in the pool.

It was a bit disheartening when I put my larger swimsuit on, and it was tight around the legs. :( Thankfully, it loosened up.

Prior in the day, I added a goal to 30x30 - be able to wear a bikini with confidence.

Well, the suit fitting snugly got me thinking. On my way home from the gym, I stopped at a Super Walmart. Last time I had been there, they had separate pieces for $5 each.

Well, they still had bikinis!

They even had some for $3. (But I can't find the picture.)

Well, there were definitely some cute pieces, but, being that I'm large-busted, my mission was, well, a bust.

I think most of the pieces were leftover from the Juniors Dept, however there were some Ladies Dept pieces mixed in. What's funny is the size discrepancy.

These are both a size XL. I held them up together from the waist. See the extra inch of the blue one? Remember - THEY ARE CONSIDERED THE SAME SIZE. The blue is an adult XL. The yellow is an junior XL.

It just makes me laugh. Clothing manufacturer's do discriminate against larger sizes. The fact that I couldn't find a top large enough to cover a nipple, even a "Large" bikini top, kinda helps prove my point. Also, as I said, the yellow is a Jr size and the blue is an Adult. Having such small "large" sizes in youth clothing is a way of telling girls they have to be tiny to fit in. I've heard of teen clothing manufacturer's intentionally marking sizes wrong. For example, a size 8 would be marked as a size 10. From a marketing standpoint, I'd mark a size 10 as a size 8. People would subconciously want to shop more with my brand because it makes them feel skinnier. However, marking sizes up is basically saying, "If you're bigger, we don't want your business." It's a way to affect the heads of America's youth in a negative way.

*Semi-rant over...for now.*

I did, however, find an adorable tee on clearance for $3. It's an XL and long. I didn't try it on, and thought the length would be a bit long. However, when I put it on, it's definitely not as long as on the hanger. That's because of my boobs! All that length went out. I did forget when I purchased it that large-breasted women probably shouldn't buy iron-on prints. It's not that we can't handle the print, it's that the print can't handle us. (Meaning sometimes the print stretches too much and tears.)

There's also cute Halloween themed undies for sale. I may need to stop by closer to Halloween. :)

Titles are tricky. Sometimes. This is one of those times.

I like to think positively.

There's been many times where negativity has brought me down. I've even dealt with depression.

In recent times, maybe a couple years at most, I've started thinking positively. Not having a job, the house falling apart, juggling the bills - that'll get to many people. I've been there. I've had the moments where I've had panic attacks, worried I can't pay my mortgage.

However, I always manage.

I've learned that things happen for a reason. They may not be ideal. They will probably be downright shitty, but there's no point letting hardships keep you down.

It's best to learn, to change, to grow.

That's what I'm doing - learning, changing, growing. I know the struggles I have faced. I see what my family has gone through, is going through. I believe each generation is supposed to become more than the generation that precedes them. I know that I'll want my children to accomplish more than I will accomplish. I know my mom wants more for me than she has.

I love my mom. I know she can achieve so much. She has allowed negativity to hold her back, and it breaks my heart.

Over the years I've had people tell me I can do more without her. These people never understood that we're a team. Yes, I'm in my mid-twenties, and I live with my mom. However, it's not because I'm a 20-something slacker who has no drive. It's because we're a team. We are co-dependent.


My mom's 49th birthday was today (well...a couple hours ago: August 30,) and I discussed with her this next coming year. She has said many times her life isn't where she wants it. So, I'm challenging her.

I told her that I wanted her to write her goals. I don't want her to put off until tomorrow what she can do today.

If it's not obvious already, I believe in goals. I believe in writing your goals. That way there is a constant reminder of what you want to achieve. Having a written list enables you to hold yourself accountable for your actions and goals.

I'm proud of my mom. She began creating a list. (I snuck a peek.) She's realizing that if she wants life to change, she's got to take charge and make her changes.

Where you are in your journey is a result of the effort you've made.

My mom's 50th birthday will be drastically different than her 49th.

This next year will be amazing. For her. For me. For both of us.

So, now I challenge you, reader - what are your goals? What are you doing to continue your journey? What are you doing to make something of yourself?

Source: countryraisedcityfound.tumblr.com via Adrien on Pinterest

Itchin' for Fashion

I want to start my own business.


This want, rather NEED of mine, is like an itch coming from the inside.

I'm just over having a J.O.B. We  all know that means "Just Over Broke." However, in my case, I'm perpetually broke.

AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING BROKE!

I know a place where I can get amazing clothing for wholesale prices. It's just, where do I go from there? That's a conundrum I'm faced with. Flea markets? Door-to-door? Networking? Fairs/festivals?

I don't exactly have the finances to rent a store, kiosk, or cart at the local mall. There's this empty bank across from the high school. From the outside, this emptied building has a great feel to it. I think it'd be perfect to create a boutique there, especially given that it is across from a high school. The teen girls are my target demographic.

I just don't know how to do what I want to do. It takes money to make money, and I have no money.

Below are some images taken from the wholesaler's website. I do not own these images or the girls in them. :)

I love playing with jewelry.

My mother sells Cookie Lee Jewelry, which I adore. I help with the business. I love it whenever a new shipment of jewelry arrives. It's like Christmas, except better!

I'm happy to say I just booked a fashion show to showcase the jewelry! The show will be held on Sunday, September 9. I have been working hard to get this business going, and I'm hoping this show will snowball into more shows and building the business. After all, building this business is one of my 25x25 goals. Also, it allows for me to create multiple income streams, which is another of my 25x25 goals.

Cookie Lee Jewelry recently introduced its Fall 2012 line, and there are some jaw-dropping pieces of jewelry.

Cerulean Night Owl Ring - #82559 - $24

Abalone Butterfly Necklace - #93362 - $29

Shell Rosette Necklace - #93366 - $32

Twilight Montage Bracelet - #26487 - $46

Check out www.cookielee.biz/patriciamerliss to see all the latest products or to order online. Electronic editions of the catalogs are available for viewing!

If interested in hosting a jewelry party, you should let me know! Party hosts get all kinds of goodies such as discounts on jewelry, and, even better, FREE JEWELRY!

Online Dating

Several months ago, in an effort to branch out and meet new people, I joined a free online dating site.

Out of boredom, I'm using the site tonight. I rarely log on, and I now remember why.

SOME OF THESE GUYS ARE SERIOUS FREAKS!

They make me chuckle.

I also find myself questioning the humanity of some of these guys. Because a lot seem to lack human decency.

Anybody who uses online dating, I'll give you a hint: The first line of communication should not be something about sex. If you're looking just to get laid, go to the website's about that.

Also, don't keep messaging a person because you haven't heard from them. I had one guy send me about 10 messages in one day. It was scary. I hadn't even communicated with him. Creeeeeeeepy.

But, for real, I get bombarded whenever I log onto this website. It's not possible for me to communicate with everyone who messages me. I'm sure it's like this for others, too. If you use one of these sites, don't get discouraged if you don't hear back from someone.

As for my dating life - meh. I'm busy getting back into school and looking for a job. Dating can wait. At least I don't limit myself to meeting guys online. I met a guy a few weeks back that I click with. Who knows what could become of it, if anything? :D

My ass is getting fatter.

Literally.

So, I've never been tiny. However, I've never been as big as I am now.

I graduated high school six years ago, and I've gained about 40 lbs since then. I've also gone up about 5-7 sizes. :(

I made it my goal to lose 50 lbs this year, but, honestly, I'd be okay weighing 150 lbs. However, for my height, I'm supposed to weigh around 135. (I'm 5'3.5". Yes, that half an inch of height is important. Don't judge me.)

In May I got serious and began using My Fitness Pal and lost over five lbs in a week. Granted, I know that was mostly water weight, I was so proud of myself. Then I lost a few more. At some point I was down 10 lbs, and I was so happy!

I fell off the wagon.

Even worse, I've been out of work for nearly two months, and I've gained about 6 lbs since I've been sitting at home on my lazy ass.

Even worse than that - I have a gym membership I haven't used recently.

I know how I'm supposed to eat. I know how I'm supposed to exercise. I just don't have the dedication to follow through. I hate that about myself. (Also, I don't have a working fridge, and I don't have the funds to get one. Not having a working fridge makes it hard to eat right. However, that's not an excuse!)


Now I'm down about 3 lbs from my original weight, and that's discouraging. Only 47 more to go to get to the 50 lb goal. :(

I've got four months until 2012 is over. I'm going to start busting my butt again so I can lose my butt.

So, I'm going to start cracking down, start working out again.

I love to swim. I think I'm going to start doing that again.

I also want to get a monitor so that I can accurately monitor my activity.

I invite you to join me on this journey. What are you doing to make yourself healthier?

My progress thus far:

Source: losingmoreweight.tumblr.com via Adrien on Pinterest

I'm excited.

I have a job interview in about 12 hours at a major university. Admittedly, I don't particularly want the position I'm interviewing for, but beggars can't be choosers. I haven't had a job for about six weeks, anut  I'm feeling the crunch of not having that income.

But I am excited at the prospect of my potential employer. As I said, it is a major university. In fact, it's one of the top private universities in the world. The reason I'm so excited is that this university offers (with supervisor's approval) up to 18 credits of FREE classes to its employees.

Eighteen credits of FREE classes! That's about six classes! FREE! That is over $30,000 of tuition I would not have to pay for.

I'm almost 25, and I HATE that I haven't gotten my Bachelor's Degree. It's simply because I cannot afford it. I have paid my way, verrrrryyyy slowly, through a 2 year degree, but that won't cut it. It's not enough for me.

When I was graduating high school, I wanted to be a student at this university, but finances (and grades) wouldn't allow for it.

Now, I'm hoping this will be my chance.

Wish me luck!

Without goals, what would we achieve?

I was checking out some other blogs, and I came across Science, Spouses, and Silliness by Lozzz123, and she has a page entitled "30 Before 30" of 30 goals she wants to complete before she turns 30. That made me think. I'm always making goals for myself, and, so, why not put them on my blog?


I plan to have a set of goals to complete before I'm 25 and a set of goals to complete prior to the age of 30.


My 25x25 goals are short-term. My 25th birthday is January 8, of next year, so, essentially, these are just goals I want to complete by the end of the year (with a week in 2013.)


My 30x30 goals are much more long-term. I've got 5 years to complete these goals. They will be important. ...at least to me.

Awesome!

I just published my first posting a couple hours ago, haven't promoted my site, and already, I've gotten a view from someone in Germany!

Danke!

Welcome!

I'm Adrien! I'm a 24-year-old girl from a suburb of Dallas, Texas.

This blog is going to be about me trying to find myself, about growing up. It's easier said than done! :)

As I'm writing this, I'm looking for a job, trying to scrape up the funds to pay tuition for classes starting in a week so that I may *finally* attain a degree. 

I'm also working on becoming more social, making new friends. People say that if you want your life a certain way, surround yourself by people who have achieved what you want. I love my friends. I've been friends with my girls since high school, way, way, waaaay, back in the day. 

I tend to become comfortable and not put myself out there. Now I'm trying to become uncomfortable and out myself out there.

I own my own home. My mother lives with me. She is one of my best friends, and a big pain in my butt, all at the same time.

The past few years haven't been ideal, but now I'm taking control of my life. 

I welcome you to come along on this journey with me.

Always,

Adrien